Vaguely Worried (Vaguely Worried)

I was recently told a short parable that touches on a number of spiritual concepts: faith; surrender; and the blessing of peace in this sometimes dangerous, always unpredictable world. That sounds like a lot to chew on, I know, but bear with me……

There is a herd of gazelle on the Serengeti Plain doing what gazelle do -- grazing lazily in the late afternoon breeze framed against a brilliant Serengeti sunset. Suddenly, a leopard leaps from the brush and pounces on one of the herd, wrestling her to the ground in a cloud of dust. The herd scatters as hunter and hunted struggle, and the gazelle inevitably succumbs. She goes limp and is dragged back into the brush. Eventually, the herd reassembles and resumes grazing -- all except one. Let’s call him Oliver.

“Did you see that?” Oliver shrieks. “My God, it was terrible! How can you eat at a time like this?” The other gazelle largely ignore him, offering only an occasional doe-eyed glance. “We have to do something,” Oliver persists. “Hire security, build a fort, something…”

And on and on until an older gazelle finally suggests he calm himself. “It’s a beautiful evening, Oliver,” Elder Gazelle points out. “Take a breath. Enjoy the moment.”

Oliver is incensed. “What planet are you from? That lunatic will be back. He’ll bring friends. Any one of us could be next, and you want me to ‘enjoy the moment’?”

“Carry on, then” sighs Elder. “But we are gazelle. Stuff happens. That’s life on the Serengeti, brother, and all your worrying will just give you bad dreams and indigestion. We are powerless. Me, I choose to accept the will of the Universe -- whatever that may be -- and enjoy this splendid moment”…

Don’t you just want to smack that Elder Gazelle with a two-by-four?

I was brought up on a different allegorical curriculum with more pragmatic (and considerably more paranoid) messages. In “The Three Little Pigs” the two brothers who spend their days ‘enjoying the moment’ almost end up in the wolf’s belly. It is the industrious brother, the vigilant one preparing against the worst-case scenario, who saves their collective bacon. And Red Riding Hood -- a naive, carefree child sent on a dangerous mission of mercy through the woods without a flashlight, a shotgun or even a cell phone. If the woodchopper hadn’t stopped by just when he did… well, I shudder to think what might have happened. Other wisdom imparted included saving for a rainy day, keeping my powder dry, making hay while the sun shines, not counting my chickens, and never using the telephone during a thunder storm – all of which appeals to my logic but undercuts my desire to live in faith.

Someone once told me: “You’re either in fear, or you’re in faith.” That seems true enough, but do I have a choice in the matter? Maybe that’s just how I am built. I do worry, and I am often afraid, mostly of future events, real or imagined. Especially imagined. I have the dubious talent of being able to transform any unpleasant possibility into a probability, and then into a done deal long before all the evidence is in. And, of course, the scenarios I manufacture are so far-fetched, so incredibly dire they would give anyone nightmares. The time spent sweating in anticipation of what might – no, what will -- happen is pure, self-inflicted misery. Needless to say, I do not enjoy those moments.

What a blessing it would be to have Elder Gazelle’s unflappable faith that allows him to surrender his will and accept any possibility without the anguish of anticipation. Maybe that is true peace? I wonder, can that quality be acquired through practice? Experience? Prayer? Maybe a little of each. Surely, it is a gift worth seeking.

In the meantime, I do see Oliver’s point and remain... vaguely worried.